9 Weeks
Last week I was down. I felt discouraged, frustrated, sad, and just not like myself, which frustrated me even more. I think I finally figured out the few reasons why.
The first is my foot. I fractured my fourth metatarsal playing soccer 9 weeks ago, just 5 days after arriving home. I've never broken a bone before, so when I went to the doctor and he told me to come back in 3 weeks I thought, "Ok, I'll be good." However, when I went back 3 weeks later and he said 3 more weeks, I got a little frustrated, but figured it'd be fine, I'll still be out before the brunt of the summer. Fast forward 3 weeks, 6 weeks out from the initial injury and I was feeling good. I went into the doctor with my right sneaker, confident I'd be walking out with two shoes. When he came back in and told me it still wasn't healing, 3 more weeks in the boot, I could feel the tears coming. I choked them back, went to the front desk and made another appointment for 3 weeks later. July 18.
So, here we are. My appointment is in two days and I'm not sure what to think. I want to be out of this boot more than anything. I want to wear two sneakers again and not be finding left shoes only around the house. I want to be able to drive with two shoes, not a sneaker and a sandal, having to constantly get in and out of a hot and sweaty boot. But you know what? It's not about my wants..
It has been frustrating and discouraging, yes. I may or may not have had a conversation with the Lord in the last few months asking him to break me, but I'm not sure I meant it literally. I want him to break me of my pride, my plans and my wants. I want to want him. I want to desire Him and become more like Him.
The last few weeks have certainly been difficult. I've never had an injury that has taken me out this long. **Note to self: If I ever break a bone again, I need it to let me slow down and take a break long enough to realize "Maybe, just maybe, God is trying to slow me down or remind me to simply be still." That's a concept I'm still working on :)**
With those thoughts, though I'm so thankful it wasn't worse. 9 weeks (hopefully no more). 9 weeks. 63 days out of 21 almost 22 years of life? playing sports for as long as I can remember, being active almost daily? That's not bad. I'm thankful I have been healthy, and am sorry I've taken it for granted this long. I'm thankful doctor visits aren't a part of my everyday routine. I'm thankful that otherwise, I am healthy and able to live the life God has so graciously blessed me with.
The second thing I realized is that I missed my friendships and kids in the last few weeks. There's a few kids I watch on a somewhat regular basis that I just love. Two of these girls happen to belong to my best friend. My friend who lives 35 minutes away, yet I still find time weekly to visit her, her husband and adorable girls. The friend who I can call and say "Hey, I'm coming over-- that ok if I just spend the night?" She's married and has 2 kids. Yet, I still spend what seems to be more time at her house than mine.
Last week I started a new job, which I am so thankful for. Although it's not the most thrilling, life-changing job, it's a job, and for that I am thankful. With this new job, though I have to get up earlier than I'm used to, which means going to bed earlier than I'm used to, which means sleeping at my own house, only 10 minutes from work, not 45. After a long, frustrating and discouraging week of being exhausted and frustrated with my foot I spent the day with those two girls yesterday, and let me tell ya I was reminded just how much I love kids. I love their laughs, giggles, smiles, singing and dancing to Moana and Trolls, and just enjoying the little moments of life. Today I spent the day with those same people, and as I watched all of the dads playing in the pool with their kids, I couldn't help but be thankful. Thankful for the incredible people God has placed in my life. They may range from being 5-10 years older, be married and have kids, but I'm so thankful for their influence. I'm thankful I have Godly marriages to look at and learn from in my life. I'm thankful I have people who will sit across from me and challenge me. I'm thankful that when I say "I"m okay" they look me in the eyes and ask me what's truly bothering me.
It also reminded me how grateful I am for my own two parents who are currently livin' the life in Italy. I love that my dad's response to a question of "why are you there? special celebration?" Was this: "I watched people I love work very hard toward the day when they could spend more time together, but we quickly learn life is short and tomorrow is not guaranteed. Fortunate to have this opportunity and glad we are able to take advantage of it together."
God, thank you for my loving, awesome, adorable parents. Thanks for giving them this time to spend together to make special memories. Thank you for this weekend of being reminded just how blessed I am by the people and friends in my life. Thank you for a new job and an able body to work on a regular basis.
So, as I prepare to go back to the doctor on Tuesday, undoubtedly anxious and nervous, I want to go with a thankful heart. Whether I'm in this boot 3 more weeks or get out of it Tuesday, I want to live life with a grateful heart. I want to see the good in my life and remember just how good I have it.
I want to desire God more. I want others to see his love and joy through me. I want the everyday mundane moments to still be Spirit and joy-filled.
I'll be honest, my walk with God has not been where I want it to be the last few weeks. I've been down and frustrated, but putting my thoughts and feelings "on paper" helps me. It's hard to be vulnerable, but I don't want to be the person who is one way in person and another on social media. Life gets hard. But I'm thankful for a loving and faithful father who remains faithful, even when I'm faithless.
The first is my foot. I fractured my fourth metatarsal playing soccer 9 weeks ago, just 5 days after arriving home. I've never broken a bone before, so when I went to the doctor and he told me to come back in 3 weeks I thought, "Ok, I'll be good." However, when I went back 3 weeks later and he said 3 more weeks, I got a little frustrated, but figured it'd be fine, I'll still be out before the brunt of the summer. Fast forward 3 weeks, 6 weeks out from the initial injury and I was feeling good. I went into the doctor with my right sneaker, confident I'd be walking out with two shoes. When he came back in and told me it still wasn't healing, 3 more weeks in the boot, I could feel the tears coming. I choked them back, went to the front desk and made another appointment for 3 weeks later. July 18.
So, here we are. My appointment is in two days and I'm not sure what to think. I want to be out of this boot more than anything. I want to wear two sneakers again and not be finding left shoes only around the house. I want to be able to drive with two shoes, not a sneaker and a sandal, having to constantly get in and out of a hot and sweaty boot. But you know what? It's not about my wants..
It has been frustrating and discouraging, yes. I may or may not have had a conversation with the Lord in the last few months asking him to break me, but I'm not sure I meant it literally. I want him to break me of my pride, my plans and my wants. I want to want him. I want to desire Him and become more like Him.
The last few weeks have certainly been difficult. I've never had an injury that has taken me out this long. **Note to self: If I ever break a bone again, I need it to let me slow down and take a break long enough to realize "Maybe, just maybe, God is trying to slow me down or remind me to simply be still." That's a concept I'm still working on :)**
With those thoughts, though I'm so thankful it wasn't worse. 9 weeks (hopefully no more). 9 weeks. 63 days out of 21 almost 22 years of life? playing sports for as long as I can remember, being active almost daily? That's not bad. I'm thankful I have been healthy, and am sorry I've taken it for granted this long. I'm thankful doctor visits aren't a part of my everyday routine. I'm thankful that otherwise, I am healthy and able to live the life God has so graciously blessed me with.
The second thing I realized is that I missed my friendships and kids in the last few weeks. There's a few kids I watch on a somewhat regular basis that I just love. Two of these girls happen to belong to my best friend. My friend who lives 35 minutes away, yet I still find time weekly to visit her, her husband and adorable girls. The friend who I can call and say "Hey, I'm coming over-- that ok if I just spend the night?" She's married and has 2 kids. Yet, I still spend what seems to be more time at her house than mine.
Last week I started a new job, which I am so thankful for. Although it's not the most thrilling, life-changing job, it's a job, and for that I am thankful. With this new job, though I have to get up earlier than I'm used to, which means going to bed earlier than I'm used to, which means sleeping at my own house, only 10 minutes from work, not 45. After a long, frustrating and discouraging week of being exhausted and frustrated with my foot I spent the day with those two girls yesterday, and let me tell ya I was reminded just how much I love kids. I love their laughs, giggles, smiles, singing and dancing to Moana and Trolls, and just enjoying the little moments of life. Today I spent the day with those same people, and as I watched all of the dads playing in the pool with their kids, I couldn't help but be thankful. Thankful for the incredible people God has placed in my life. They may range from being 5-10 years older, be married and have kids, but I'm so thankful for their influence. I'm thankful I have Godly marriages to look at and learn from in my life. I'm thankful I have people who will sit across from me and challenge me. I'm thankful that when I say "I"m okay" they look me in the eyes and ask me what's truly bothering me.
It also reminded me how grateful I am for my own two parents who are currently livin' the life in Italy. I love that my dad's response to a question of "why are you there? special celebration?" Was this: "I watched people I love work very hard toward the day when they could spend more time together, but we quickly learn life is short and tomorrow is not guaranteed. Fortunate to have this opportunity and glad we are able to take advantage of it together."
God, thank you for my loving, awesome, adorable parents. Thanks for giving them this time to spend together to make special memories. Thank you for this weekend of being reminded just how blessed I am by the people and friends in my life. Thank you for a new job and an able body to work on a regular basis.
So, as I prepare to go back to the doctor on Tuesday, undoubtedly anxious and nervous, I want to go with a thankful heart. Whether I'm in this boot 3 more weeks or get out of it Tuesday, I want to live life with a grateful heart. I want to see the good in my life and remember just how good I have it.
I want to desire God more. I want others to see his love and joy through me. I want the everyday mundane moments to still be Spirit and joy-filled.
I'll be honest, my walk with God has not been where I want it to be the last few weeks. I've been down and frustrated, but putting my thoughts and feelings "on paper" helps me. It's hard to be vulnerable, but I don't want to be the person who is one way in person and another on social media. Life gets hard. But I'm thankful for a loving and faithful father who remains faithful, even when I'm faithless.
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