Everything Has Changed

It has been a really long time since I have blogged. I struggle to reflect. It forces me to think and many times relive experiences that I don't want to relive. It puts me in a headspace I work daily to avoid. With all that said, I started thinking this morning about all that has happened in the last 3 years of living in Honduras. As T-Swift and Ed Sheeran sing, everything has changed. I went as a 20 year old single girl who had never taught, didn't know the Spanish language, and was extremely naive and ignorant about many things. I am now a 24 year old, a teacher, and am engaged to a man who only speaks the Spanish language. It's crazy how God works. 

Teaching K4 in 2016. I had no experience teaching,
but God used these 6 months to spur on my passion
for teaching ESL,
and showed me the power
 of a bilingual education.

God used Honduras to change me. Anyone who knew me in high school and knows me now knows I'm a different person. I know that for 2 reasons. One, people have told me I've changed, but two, I know and can see myself that I have changed. I remember vivid conversations over the last 3 years that have changed my narrow-minded thought process. I can recall specific moments where I've been stopped dead in my thoughts or words and I've realized just how immature, naive, and judgmental my thought process and views were. I pray I've changed. 

When people ask me now where I see myself in five years, I don't have an answer. This is because if you asked me five years ago where I thought I would be now, its not where I am. (Does that make sense?) 

Everything. Has. Changed. My passions, my view on life, my desires, --and I'm so thankful they did!! God is good and has taught me so much in the last three years. He's brought the most incredible, life-giving, Christ-loving, service- centered friends.  I am so thankful to have life-giving friendships that truly push me to be my best self. They remind me of who I am in Christ and speak truth into me during my moments of questioning and doubt. 

I also have a fiancee (what?!) who speaks a different heart language than me. God has such a sense of humor. I often recall a conversation I had with 2 close friends- he is married to a Honduran woman and my friend and I were just amazed that he could be married to someone who doesn't speak the same heart language (don't get me wrong, I LOVE them as a couple, it just made us question- how do you communicate well??).  My friend and I both insisted it must be possible for a man, because it's different for a man to convey his emotions compared to the way a female does.We both said we could never do it.

I also recall a later conversation I had with three of my friends discussing whether or not we could see ourselves marrying a Honduran man. We all came to the conclusion, yes! But, he would need to be bilingual. I stated I could never imagine myself being able to convey my thoughts and emotions in a relationship that was not in my heart language. Oh, how young and naive ;) Here I am, in a Spanish-speaking relationship with a man I just adore. We don't speak the same heart language, but I know him and love him. He knows me and loves me. And most importantly, we both know and love Christ, and desire to serve Him together. He's everything I've ever prayed for in a man and more... He balances me out in all the best ways. He's level-headed, and not emotional; and for anyone that knows me well, you know I can be just a bit emotional.

I say all of this to say God is good and He is faithful. 

The last three years have not been easy- I have faced difficulties and moments I felt I couldn't move forward. But God... He was there. He gave me strength and put Godly people around me to encourage me and love me. I can confidently say He grew my faith, my relationship and trust in Him, and showed me more and more how to better love others the way Christ loves us.
I pray I continue to reflect and write more in detail the ways God moved in me and all that He taught me...

But in the meantime, I am so excited for this next chapter. I'm going to be a wife!!