Deeper Than My Feet Could Wander

I have bad eyesight- really bad. Ask my second grade teacher, Mr. O. I vividly remember him asking me to read what was on the projector. I couldn't read it, so I just made something up. He let my mom know that maybe she should take me to the eye doctor. She did, and my vision was 20/70. If you have perfect eyesight you probably don't know what that means. Here's the google definition. "20/20 vision is a term used to express normal visual acuity (the clarity or sharpness of vision) measured at a distance of 20 feet. ... If you have 20/100 vision, it means that you must be as close as 20 feet to see what a person with normal vision can see at 100 feet. So, I started wearing glasses in the second grade, then contacts in fifth (that's another story for another time :) Long story still long, I've never had good vision. Just last week my dad read small tiny numbers on the tv screen; I couldn't even read the big, bold print in the corner, WITH my contacts i...

As I do the typical “reflect on this year post” I’m overcome with thankfulness with all that God did. This year had some highs,  but as with every year, it also had some lows. As I reflect, I'm reminded how much both the highs and the lows taught me about Christ, His plans for me, and letting go of what I thought my future would look like and allowing God to use me where He leads.  The lows taught me forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight . It is a long, grueling process. Many things can happen that remind me of situations that make me hurt all over again.  I also learned that  just moving on doesn’t mean I’ve   dealt with it. Whatever your low was this year- broken relationships, “unfair circumstances”, heartbreak, death, the list can go on; if you haven’t dealt with it and have just brushed it under the rug, deal with it. Confrontation, reflection and hard conversations aren’t fun, but they need to happen. It’s necessary for growth.   Be hon...

“ Stop staring at the rear view, you ain't checking your hair, that wheel has spun and them lights are out, there ain't nothin' for you back there. Stop holding on so dang tight, ' bout time you let go..." N othing like some throwback Thomas Rhett to really hit me in the feels and make me think. Some friends/coworkers and I went through a really tough time August 28, 2018. My birthday, a day that should have been so fun and exciting, our lives and plans were shattered to pieces.   That day, dreams and visions for the future were broken into a million pieces that will never be put back together.    E ach person dealt with this change differently; a change that seemed unfair, unjust, and just downright wrong. We each picked up a piece that was broken that day and did our best to move on. We had to.   It’s been over a year, and I’ll be honest- I’m still in the healing process, I haven't completely let go.   I realized that I’m still deali...

It has been a really long time since I have blogged. I struggle to reflect. It forces me to think and many times relive experiences that I don't want to relive. It puts me in a headspace I work daily to avoid. With all that said, I started thinking this morning about all that has happened in the last 3 years of living in Honduras. As T-Swift and Ed Sheeran sing, everything has changed. I went as a 20 year old single girl who had never taught, didn't know the Spanish language, and was extremely naive and ignorant about many things. I am now a 24 year old, a teacher, and am engaged to a man who only speaks the Spanish language. It's crazy how God works.  Teaching K4 in 2016. I had no experience teaching, but God used these 6 months to spur on my passion for teaching ESL, and showed me the power  of a bilingual education. God used Honduras to change me. Anyone who knew me in high school and knows me now knows I'm a different person. I know that for 2 reasons. One, p...

I'm not going to lie, all of these graduation posts are making me a little sad/jealous/ I'm not exactly sure what feelings. I made the decision upon returning to Honduras that I would not be walking for graduation.. After all, I finished my school online, so I didn't have any friends to walk with or share the experience of college graduation with. Along with this, It would be expensive to fly home for a weekend to graduate with a bunch of people I don't know. I decided I would much rather finish the year with my class and watch the kindergarteners graduate. I'm still happy with this decision, but I am a little sad I never got to celebrate with a walk across a college stage in a cap and gown. With this thought, however how cool is it that I am doing what I went to school for, and I'm loving it. The decision to take a semester off and change my major the second semester of my junior year provided lots of stress, pushing off my graduation date (though only a semest...

Recently, I’ve been reading the book “Not a Fan” by Kyle Idleman, and I’ve come to the conclusion that in some areas of my life, I’m more of a fan of Christ than a follower. I’ve recently been convicted that I don’t talk about Jesus enough. I don’t share enough about how He is working in and through me. I talk more about the Philadelphia Eagles' season (Fly Eagles Fly), than I do about Christ and what He’s done for me on the cross. I want that to change. Yes, it’s okay to be a huge sports fan, but if I’m loving that and talking about that more than my relationship with Christ, something is wrong. God sent his one and only Son to die on the cross for my sins. The sins I commit every single day. Being prideful. Thinking poorly of other people. Judging others. Not trusting that God does in fact know what He’s doing with me, and that his plans are wayyy better than any I can make for myself. I need to deny myself, my wants, my desires, every single day. It’s easy to think “Life is goi...